happy birthday butterfly friend
5 things i learned from writing a weekly newsletter
happy birthday butterfly friend. toot toot.
here are 5 things i learned during this experiment to write a weekly email newsletter.
1. MONEY - i think i discovered a new economy
it’s kind of incredible and totally heartwarming to me that some people pay to read butterfly friend. i made it optional (no paywalls! notaflof!) as an experiment in an economy built on generosity and sharing instead of scarcity and hoarding.
it’s also wild to me that people bought my art this year. i usually hang onto my art pieces for dear life, but i want to learn to distribute the things i make in a way that feels interesting and not just a mercantile transaction. i’m experimenting with an idea that when i sell my artwork, the proceeds go into an art fund that i spend only on art materials, creative services, and other artists’ work. it’s like a mini, hyper-local economy. i made this diagram to illustrate !
the red stars represent places where non-material value is added to the system. this is the part of the economy that i am very jazzed about! you can have a chance to participate in this new economy at the butterfly friend birthday party on april 27th (see invite below!)
2. TIME: a week isn’t a lot of time when you have a full time job.
i think about this banner a lot. honestly, to me, the math just doesn’t math. 8 hours labour… plus ~1 hour commute… is that extra hour *rest*? or *recreation*? plus the time spent packing my lunch? making sure i’m dressed alright for “the office”? staring at the wall when i get home to try to reset my brain? *rest* or *recreation*?
not being ungrateful for the efforts of the people who won the 8 hour workday, but why stop there?
the math leakage goes both ways, though. my “day job” has taught me a lot about being organized (ish), communicating clearly, and accomplishing huge projects by breaking them down into little pieces. so i just did my best to not worry about the math, and realized that time is kind of magical. my attention and mood make it move in funny ways. for me those 8 hours of labour time, industrial time, on the clock time are so small and limited. recreation time, rest time - they are huge, shifting and full of possibility.
when i first started writing butterfly friend i made a little schedule for myself, to write a little bit everyday and then spend an hour or so editing over the weekend. this helped me keep writing every week but sometimes i didn’t do it at all & just made it up last minute. and sometimes i made up a complex project that took weeks to write about. flexible!
and the thing about time, even when it’s restricted, is: the accumulation of small efforts over time is so powerful! now i’ve written 50-something little things, that contain the seasonal cycles of the year, and the shifting preoccupations of my mind. committing myself to doing small things for a certain time frame is really nice style of project for me.
starting in may i’m going to send out this newsletter every two weeks. i think of this as an experiment that will give me more time in between to do research and go on trips and take nature walks and stare off into space daydreaming, all of which will give me more to write about.
3. ART - there is a hidden place where ideas come from
&i think we’re all swimming around in there, invisible behind the veil and when we make art (or anything, really) we’re pulling out ideas from that hidden place and making them real for each other. i mainly investigated this while visiting artists in their studios and interviewing them for my homemade version of the pbs art documentary series art21. you can watch “season 1” interviews with rob gray, emily poprocks and the halloweener on youtube.
& guess what! “season 2” of studio visit videos…coming this summer!
4. VULNERABILITY - if i’m embarrassed about something i’m probably not the only one.
i was mildly bullied by meatheads in my tender youth and so i have well worn paths of social discomfort in my brain, like the tracks of a rollercoaster that is definitely going to make you puke every time.
over the course of my adulthood i have learned how to remove myself mentally from this looping hell roller coaster but sometimes a social situation will get me strapped into the cyclone and we’re taking the whole damn ride!!!!
i had the full rollercoaster experience after a socially awkward situation about a year ago. i was still in an uncertain chrysalis goo phase of writing this newsletter. and in the midst of the experience i was looping & i threw my arms in the air (in my head) and screamed “I GIVE UP! AHHH I CAN’t TAKE IT! I”M GOING TO HIDE AWAY FOREVER AND GIVE UP ON WRITING” (the socially awkward situation actually had nothing to do with this newsletter, but the thing about the full rollercoaster ride is that it also includes a vacuum cleaner feature that sucks up everything in its path.)
anyway somehow i unhooked myself and mid loop-de-loop i just flew right off the roller coaster & just did cool flips all the way to the ground! i came to my senses and remembered that i am not actually a creep who no one likes!
i remembered that i’m not the only one who sometimes feels like a loser at a party. that i’m not the only one who wants to make friends but finds it difficult sometimes. and i wrote about it, to test this hypothesis. and then, like 6 months later i was on a stage wearing a witch’s hat and reading “failure at friendship” and people were clapping. proof that i am not a creep!
i could have given up and stayed on the rollercoaster and been miserable. but they say that vulnerability is strength and that has been my experience.
and the one more thing i want to say about that is that if you are embarrassed and ashamed of something there is probably someone somewhere who is benefitting from you staying quiet about it. i find that thinking of it that way gives me some extra juice to do really flamboyant flips as i exit the rollercoaster.
5. CURIOSITY - if you follow your curiosity weird synchronicities are going to happen, guaranteed.
curiosity is the best. the dark times of my life have been times when my curiosity has been low. when i believed i knew everything already. or when i didn’t have the energy to see the immense wonderful complex mystery of earth!
and the brightest times of my life have been full of curiosity and the energy to follow the question marks and sniff out the clues. and by clues i don’t mean sitting in my apartment googling things on my phone. i’m talking about going out into the world to do some research.
i still think it’s the weirdest thing that when i went out one day to document the weston roses in my neighborhood i ran into joe weston at the grocery store (“bananas synchronicity”). it seemed like a sign that curiosity was leading me somewhere.
but get this: since i ran into joe weston that day i’ve crossed paths with him like a dozen times. he’s at the grocery store down the street every saturday. he works at an office a few blocks from my house and even has a special parking spot painted bright blue and with his name on it. the point is: he’s always been around, nearby, in my neighborhood but he only appeared once i started paying attention.
this is so incredible to me. think of all the things that we’re just not seeing because we haven’t turned the light of our curiosity onto them. i say it all the time because it’s true: your attention is a gift. your attention creates your reality. you get to chose what you’re curious about and when you chose, and follow the clues the world will reveal something strange to you that you never knew. i know this is true. try it!
~~treats for you~~~
earth shorts for earth day at tomorrow theatre april 24th. they’ll be showing my metaphysical how-to video “plant communication”. starring cory! & with a klug cameo!
your first (but definitely not last) chance to see my giant earth angel spirit of spring puppet COME TO LIFE on wednesday at the fieldwork showcase:
the kite isn’t in the show but looks great on the flyer, eh?
BUTT most importantly!!
butterfly friend 1st birthday party art show! sunday, april 27th 1-5 pm.
*GIFT shoppe ~~ stickers*zines* collaborative drawing contest butterfly friend tshirts***
pay what you wish- all proceeds go to the ~special fund~ used to fuel a new experimental art economy~ try it!
kites! costumes! giant puppet! bad boy butterfly cake by dawn! but mostly just chill ~ come and go as you please… hope to see you there. don’t know the address? ask a punk (i.e., me).
thanks for reading, your attention is a gift!
so grateful to have you and your newsletter as a friend to me this last year !
I would pay tenfold for Butterfly Friend! So grateful to regularly engage with your writing voice and frank reflections and funny spirit, Biz!